A woman has shared her harrowing journey with fertility after being told her chances of having kids were dropping dramatically when she was just 19 years old.
Victoria Hardy from West Sussex was faced with a life-altering ultimatum as a teenager – having to give up the exciting plans for her 20s or never become a mum.
At this point, she had already suffered ruptured ovarian cysts and a stage 0 cervical cancer diagnosis – but this was her toughest challenge yet.
Victoria faced up to a tough conversation with her then-boyfriend, now husband, Matt, 44, who was supportive and on board with the decision to start their family right away.
But as she had to undergo multiple procedures to treat her condition first, the pair used this time to tie the knot, before trying for a baby aged 21.
“I felt like all the exciting plans I had for my 20s were now out the window and I was suddenly faced with a very grown-up decision to make,” Victoria, now 40 years old, told NeedToKnow.co.uk.
“It was incredibly scary as I wanted children but I wasn’t sure if I was emotionally ready to do it so young – and if I would even be able to.
“I would play out both scenarios in my head constantly and it felt like I had to make a fast decision, which was a huge rush for me and my boyfriend at the time.
“I remember all my friends thinking I was mad to be settling down and thinking about babies.
“But it was too painful to say what was really happening and how I’d gotten to this point.”
Victoria’s nightmare started long before she considered having kids.
In her pre-teens, she felt “shame” about her painful periods and often used to make up excuses to get out of school, as well as social events.
While she tried to seek medical advice, the mum-of-two claims she was put into “uncomfortable” situations, such as “intimate examinations” with numerous doctors at once.
At age 15, her symptoms took a turn for the worst – the first of many – and quickly, it became clear that her situation was life-threatening.
She said: “I remember experiencing the most horrific pain one day, like an explosion had gone off in my abdomen and I was screaming out, unable to walk.
“I was terrorised about ectopic pregnancies and appendicitis, where they persistently asked me if I was having sex, despite me saying no.
“They kept telling me about the risks involved and didn’t listen to what I was saying or telling me it could be life-threatening.
“Eventually, I was investigated and told that there were huge cysts that had burst, causing my fallopian tube to twist.
“At 16, I had a smear test and I was diagnosed with type 0 cervical cancer, which petrified me.
“I thought I was too young and it was just so much for me to take.”
Aged 18, after two bouts of treatment for the cancerous cells, the teen was finally given a diagnosis – endometriosis and adenomyosis – where tissue similar to the uterus lining grows in other places of the reproductive system and body.
Victoria says she was left with low confidence, crippling anxiety, and fears about her sex life due to the pain but was thankful to finally have an answer.
But sadly, the health battle was far from over.
When she was 23 years old, she had her first “miracle” child but the infant was severely premature at 25 weeks.
The author said: “My daughter was jaundiced, on oxygen for a long time, and had a bleed on her brain when born, as her body was under a lot of strain.
“Later, I noticed she did things differently and had a lack of spatial awareness.
“My son, who was also born early, had jaundice, reflux, and later, speech, ear, nose, and throat problems.”
The mum believes that the complications were linked to her medical conditions and she claims this was confirmed by a specialist, who said that her cervix had been weakened from the treatment received in her teens.
To date, she’s had 18 procedures, including a vaginal repair and a full hysterectomy at only 33 in a bid to prevent further heavy bleeding and endometriosis occurring to help save her bowel.
While the mum – whose daughter is 17 and son is 13 – has no regrets about her decision to have kids at a young age, she wants to share her story to raise awareness of fertility and health struggles.
While she’s no longer in pain and feels like a “completely different person” it’s made her realise how many other women are suffering in silence.
The mum is working with INTIMINA, a feminine care brand, on a report called ‘A World Without the Gender Health Gap’ – which predicts what the nation may look like for women if the disparity within the diagnosis of these conditions didn’t exist.
In the report, it was estimated that the UK would be £18 billion a year richer if the gender health gap didn’t exist.
She added: “Because of pressure and exhaustion, it’s been incredibly difficult for both me and my husband.
“He’s had to learn so much about women’s health to support me, but has been brilliant.
“I sometimes wonder how our children have been affected by the constant hospital visits or the times I wasn’t present and suffering mentally.
“I feel like I’ve missed out on their joy because I couldn’t be the mum I wanted to be.
“It’s been a constant battle of proving my worth against living with this chronic illness, but it’s opened up great conversations with family and friends around these topics.
“You know your body better than anyone, so keep fighting for it and find a community that gets it.
“Most importantly, remember that you’re not alone in this battle – there is light at the end of the tunnel.”
The mum has also shared her battle on Instagram, (@ginge_unhinged ), to give others support and has also written a book, My Menopause, My Journal, My Rules, to further help other women feeling the same.
