A woman who has never had sex at the age of 35 has revealed why she has abstained from dating – and what people make of her choice.
Lauren Harkins has never had a partner, never been on a date, and never been intimate with someone.
While that often leads to critical comments – including people deeming her “expired” or “narcissistic” – the self-confessed late bloomer is more than comfortable with her choices, and isn’t particularly interested in dating currently.
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“I’ve never once felt ashamed about being a virgin or having limited sexual experience, and I’ve always been open about it – even as a teenager.,” Lauren, founder of upcoming unisex streetwear brand UNBXBL, told Need To Know.
“I happen to think it’s pretty cool.
“It sits in the same category for me as not drinking, not smoking, and not doing substances and is simply another way I’ve chosen to honour my body, my energy, and my boundaries.
“For me, intimacy has always been something meaningful, not something to rush through just to ‘keep up’ with everyone else.
“I think there’s real strength in being intentional about who you let into your life and your space.”
Lauren, from Maine, US, hopes one day to be in a long-term relationship, but has decided against having children, so doesn’t feel any rush.
She said: “I don’t feel the need to force anything; I’d rather wait for the relationship – and the man – that feels genuinely meant for me.”
Having chronicled her experience on Instagram and TikTok, where her posts have garnered millions of views, Lauren is no stranger to trolls.
She often gets comments such as that she “doesn’t act like a virgin” – which Lauren puts down to her not being the “meek, socially awkward, self-conscious stereotype” that people expect.
She said: “Having any kind of public platform comes with its share of negativity.
“The criticism usually falls into predictable categories – claims that I’m lying, ‘expired’, attention-seeking, narcissistic, you name it.
“At this stage, it doesn’t touch me.
“I’m not afraid to defend myself when I feel inclined, but once you understand the psychology behind online hostility – or just unevolved behaviour in general – it becomes more revealing, and even a little entertaining, than anything else.
“It’s simply part of choosing to live publicly.
“I stand by this choice, and I sleep very well at night.
“Collectively, we still cling to these outdated assumptions around virginity – especially adult virginity – as if it automatically signals something fragile, sheltered, or socially stunted.
“There is nothing I love more than being able to shatter these stereotypes, as someone who is continually told I don’t ‘look’ or ‘act’ like a virgin.”
Lauren says people often assume she is religious and ‘saving herself’ for marriage – which isn’t true.
Describing herself as ‘spiritual’ but not religious, she doesn’t transcribe to the concept of marriage.
She added: “What I value is a committed, aligned, long-term partnership – not a contract or tradition for the sake of it.
“I’m not the hyper-traditional archetype people try to project onto me., but I’m also not your everyday modern woman who’s into hook-up culture and playing it casual.
“Balance and duality are my anchors, and I thrive in the space between opposites.
Only in recent years has Lauren become more open to the prospect of romance, saying she “wasn’t ready” during her teens or twenties.
Lauren added: “I’m only now approaching that readiness, and there’s nothing embarrassing about that – if anything, it’s deeply intentional.
“I’m waiting for the right connection, not grasping for the first one.
“You’ll never catch me settling out of fear or desperation.
“I’m not here to mirror the choices of the masses or chase validation from people whose values don’t align with mine.
“I’m on my own timeline, and integrity is everything to me – I move when it feels right, and not a moment before.
“I’m in my own lane entirely – and I like it that way.”
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