A couple who have been married for 20 years have lifted the lid on what helps keep their relationship going strong – having sex with other people.
Robyn and Christopher Alesich had been together for nine years in a traditional, monogamous partnership before a female friend coming to live with them sparked an idea: opening up their marriage.
Since then, they have had three “serious” relationships, inviting a second woman into their marriage.
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But the duo insists it’s not all about what happens in the bedroom – which, they say, is one of the common myths surrounding polyamory.
“It is more than just sex – and we don’t need a partner, but we want one to share our lives with,” Robyn told Need To Know.
Robyn, 47, and Chris, 43, didn’t discuss or even understand what polyamory was for almost a decade, but after making the move to become more open in 2011, they haven’t looked back.
The couple, from Saint Cloud, Florida, US, say the key to successfully inviting a third member into their marriage is being open and clear with one another.
Robyn said: “To navigate any issues, you need to have honest communication.
“As long as you are open and have frequent discussions, you can work through anything together.
“Having boundaries from the beginning helps tackle jealousy.
“It’s important to establish any potential insecurities and problems before they even arise.
“Missing this crucial step can lead to problems further along in the relationship.”
The couple, who run polyamorous dating app Sister Wives, say there are several “misconceptions” they regularly face when it comes to polyamory – one being that it’s just about sex.
Robyn explained: “Many people’s perception of polyamory is that the couple is greedy and just wants to have sex with other people.
“But really, many couples choose polyamory over monogamy for the freedom to love how it feels right to them; it’s not an escape hatch or an excuse to sleep with as many people as possible, but a relationship with permission.
“It’s actually the freedom to form meaningful connections, whether sexual or emotional, that fits their needs and aligns with their values.”
Another common myth is that someone in the relationship is always battling envy.
Christopher said: “Within polyamorous relationships, there should be a mutual understanding and agreement on boundaries and ‘rules’.
“It is not cheating, but jealousy can happen in any relationship, even polyamorous ones.
“The difference is how it is dealt with; when in a healthy polyamorous relationship, communication is a priority and having emotional awareness because of the nature of the relationship is key.
“Setting boundaries helps tackle jealousy before it begins, establishing what insecurities there are and not hiding them, while addressing problems as soon as they arise helps reduce chances of jealousy.
“Comparison is a feeling that many polyamorous people experience, the feeling of joy or gratification when someone you care about finds happiness or fulfilment with someone else, whether sexually or emotionally – almost the opposite of jealousy.
“For some, this doesn’t happen naturally and can take some inner work to get there.”
The couple don’t believe everyone is suited to polyamory, and don’t believe it to be a “superior choice”, but feel it aligns best with them and their values.
While they are open about their lifestyle, Robyn noted that polyamory is often shrouded in secrecy.
She added: “Many polyamorous couples feel pressure to hide their relationship and lives from others due to stigma, but this secrecy isn’t out of shame, more a response to judgment.
“Couples may choose not to publicly share details about their relationship for personal or safety reasons, but the idea that polyamory must remain hidden is wrong.
“If you feel safe and happy to share details about your personal lives, whether with friends, families or strangers, you absolutely should!”
