A heartbroken mum has shared the devastating moment she woke from a nap to find her baby unresponsive beside her.
Courtney Smith says her life “went downhill” after the death of her two-month-old son Remy Smith.
The 21-year-old says what began as a normal morning quickly turned into every parent’s worst nightmare.
READ MORE: ‘Doctors thought we were abusing our baby – but she was actually as fragile as a China doll’
Courtney decided to have a nap with daughter Isla-Mae, three, and Remy after painter and decorator husband Harvey, 21, went to work in February of last year.
But when she awoke and picked up Remy, he was limp and unresponsive.
“We were cuddling in bed watching movies at around 10:30am,” Courtney, from Eastbourne, East Sussex, told Need To Know.
“I was breastfeeding Remy and started to get a migraine so decided we would all go for a nap once he was finished feeding.
“Isla-Mae fell asleep first so I settled Remy down beside me and fell asleep.
“At 1pm I woke up from my nap and realised Remy hadn’t woke up for his next feed.
“It just looked like he was sleeping.
“I picked Remy up to try and wake him for his feed but instead of waking up, he was limp and floppy.”
Courtney called 999 and was instructed to perform CPR while her husband, Harvey, rushed home from work.
Paramedics arrived and took over resuscitation attempts before rushing the tot to hospital.
At 4pm on 11 February, doctors told the couple there was nothing more they could do.
They were brought back in to say goodbye to their son before he was pronounced dead.
Courtney, a part-time bar worker and cleaner, said: “I barely remember exactly what was said by the doctors.
“Just that they’d tried to do all they could but Remy was still showing no signs of life and there was no more that they could do
“I dropped to my knees and instantly broke down in Harvey’s arms.
“I couldn’t understand why this was happening to us or what I’d done wrong and instantly blamed myself for his passing.
“The doctors assured me it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could’ve done to save him.
“I remember them saying the situation was a lot like that of a SIDS passing but that we would know more after his autopsy.”
It was finally confirmed two months later that Remy had passed away due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Harvey stopped working for several months as the couple spent most days in bed, barely eating and overwhelmed by grief.
Courtney said: “I was devastated to get the conclusion of SIDS.
“I felt like it wasn’t a true answer and we still had a lot of unanswered questions as to why this happened to Remy.
“After losing Remy, our lives went downhill.
“I couldn’t function on a day-to-day basis and had to send my daughter to her nanny’s as I felt I couldn’t look after her the way she deserved.
“I just remember being an emotional wreck every day and trying to be strong every time I spoke to Isla-Mae but our phone calls and FaceTimes were always cut short as she’d ask where her brother was.
“And I physically couldn’t answer her so I’d just break down.
“After Remy’s funeral, we started trying to get our lives back on track including getting our daughter back home where she belonged.
“I still have days where I can’t get out of bed or think about anything else but Remy and on those days I cuddle something of his and cry if I need to.”
Isla-Mae was just two-years-old when her brother died, but Courtney says she still remembers details from that day.
Courtney said: “Isla-Mae was deeply impacted and she still remembers details from that day and I fear she will never forget them despite her only being two at the time.
“When an ambulance drives past, she still asks if her brother is in the back of it and even tries to do CPR on her baby dolls.
“I struggle with what to do when she does this as she doesn’t understand.”
The couple had been thrilled when they discovered they were expecting Remy.
Courtney said: “I was instantly happy and knew he’d be so loved by all of his family especially his big sister.
“She was so excited to have a little brother and couldn’t wait for him to arrive.
“Remy was a very happy, bubbly little boy with a smile that would make any pain disappear.
“He loved cuddles with his big sister who would always make him laugh and he loved listening to music with his daddy.
“He got to have one sleepover with his Nanny and Grandad before he passed which he absolutely loved.”
Courtney is now expecting another daughter, Bella-Rae, who is due in May.
Now she hopes sharing Remy’s story will raise awareness of SIDS, a condition she says she had never heard of before losing her son.
Courtney added: “I’m sharing our story to raise awareness on SIDS as it is not spoken about enough.
“Before we lost Remy, I’d never even heard of it despite him being my secondborn.”
