A team of women’s health doctors have spoken out to warn women to stop accepting low libido as part and parcel of the aging process.
Dr Katie Hilton and Dr Laura Clark, experts in menopause and hormonal health, have shared what causes loss in sex drive – and how to get it back.
“We’re constantly exposed to messages through television, films and social media that suggest everyone is having amazing sex all the time,” Dr Hilton told Need To Know.
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“The reality is very different.
“Many women tell us they feel like they’re somehow failing because their desire has changed.
“They worry there’s something wrong with them or that their relationship is in trouble.
“The truth is that libido naturally fluctuates throughout life.
“It changes with stress, sleep, health, hormones, relationship dynamics and life circumstances – that’s normal.
“The danger of these stereotypes is that they can make women feel ashamed or reluctant to seek help.
“They can also create unrealistic expectations for both women and their partners.”
The duo – who are co-founders of SHE Health, a Cheshire-based private women’s health clinic supporting women across the UK – says low libido is a “clue” rather than a diagnosis, working as a sign of other things that may need addressing.
Dr Clark said: “Sometimes it’s a sign that hormones are changing, sometimes it’s a sign that a woman is exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed or not sleeping well.
“Sometimes relationship factors are playing a role, and sometimes sex has become uncomfortable because of vaginal dryness, and understandably that affects desire.
“We also see women whose confidence has taken a knock because of body changes, weight gain or simply not feeling like themselves anymore.
“Rather than focusing solely on libido, we try to understand what’s happening in the bigger picture – often that’s where the answers are.”
It’s a key part in how they treat libido issues – with the starting point being listening to the woman’s experience in order to take a “holistic” approach, looking at the factors that may be affecting it, in order to resolve seemingly unrelated issues.
Dr Hilton said: “One thing we talk about a lot is taking the pressure off intimacy.
“Intimacy doesn’t have to mean penetrative sex every time.
“Affection, touch, closeness and connection are all important parts of a healthy relationship.
“Testosterone can be very helpful for some women, but it’s not a magic fix.
“If someone is exhausted, stressed, sleeping badly and experiencing painful sex, those issues need addressing as well.
“Hormonal changes do play a role [in low libido].
“As oestrogen and testosterone levels fluctuate and decline during perimenopause, some women notice a reduction in sexual desire.
“At the same time, symptoms such as fatigue, anxiety, brain fog, low mood and vaginal dryness can all have a significant impact.
“In reality, low libido is rarely caused by one thing.
“It’s usually the result of a number of factors coming together at the same time.
“Many women are juggling careers, children, ageing parents, relationship pressures, poor sleep and the mental load of everyday life.
“By the end of the day, it’s not surprising that sex is often the last thing on their mind.”
The experts are determined to dispel harmful myths surrounding libido in peri- and menopausal women.
Dr Clark added: “One of the biggest misconceptions is that women should simply accept a loss of libido as part of getting older.
“While changes in sexual desire are common, that doesn’t mean women have to suffer in silence – there are often practical steps that can make a real difference.
“We’d also encourage partners to remember that these changes are rarely personal.
“Many women tell us they still love and value their partner deeply, but they don’t feel comfortable in their own body, they’re exhausted, or sex has become uncomfortable.
“Perimenopause and menopause can be challenging for relationships, but they can also be an opportunity for couples to communicate more openly and understand each other better.
“Most importantly, women should know that a change in libido is not something they simply have to accept because of age or hormones.
“If sexual desire has changed and it’s affecting confidence, relationships or quality of life, it’s worth having a conversation.
“The right support starts with understanding what’s driving the change, and for many women there are practical strategies and treatment options that can make a meaningful difference.”
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