A mum with over 70 tattoos has revealed her latest inking – a ruler to help her measure penis length wherever she goes.
Tracy Kiss, 34, from Buckinghamshire, decided to get pretty dots spaced at every inch and a half from her elbow to her little finger so it had a practical use alongside being aesthetically pleasing.
The yoga instructor and life coach says her 14-year-old daughter Millisent has realised the real reason behind her mum’s tattoo but doesn’t mind her “cheeky” sense of humour.
“My new tattoo is a somewhat discreet but practical design and tool to enhance my life,” Tracy told Jam Press.
“My ruler can be used from any point across my hand or arm, simply by counting the dots when placed next to a partner.
“As it doesn’t have numbers it’s actually rather discreet and allows me to innocently reach up to stroke his stomach whilst taking a glance at my arm alongside it to count the inches rather than guessing with hands.
“My daughter is at an age now where she realises my cheeky sense of humour and picks up on adult jokes which she’d missed before.
“She suspected my tattoo was purposely measured in inches and I may have confirmed her suspicions when measuring cucumbers, bananas and water bottles, I doubt the novelty will ever wear off for me!”
Tracy, a former page three model, said she has a high sex drive, with a “personal best” of 11 times in one day and knowing a partner’s size is important to her.
She said: “I’m a woman who enjoys pleasure, body confidence and intimacy and feel that women have just as much right as men to speak honestly about sexual encounters.
“Being single and online dating at present, there seems to be a massive energy around the height of guys as every girl daydreams of a 6ft+ Prince in shining armour to sweep her off of her feet, whereas in all honesty, I dream of a 6”+ Prince instead!
“I find the devil is in the detail and I really enjoy knowing the size of a partner. Whilst some people keep hold of underwear or sleep in their partner’s t-shirts, I enjoy knowing all measurements for imagination purposes when you’re not together.”
One encounter with a date made her realise not every man knows the size of their penis and led her to think about the tattoo.
She said: “I was shocked to know that [he] didn’t know his size, or rather didn’t choose to reveal it to me.
“It was incredibly impressive and I didn’t believe he’d never measured it, so jokingly I said I’d bring a ruler with me next time and he asked me where it was and we laughed about it!
“That let me to the thought of having a tattoo in inches that I could take with me everywhere and satisfy my need to measure things discreetly without making anybody feel judged or insecure.
“It’s not all about size, it’s what you do with it and how your partner makes you feel when building an intimate connection, but for those who enjoy finer details it really is the cherry on the cake for me.”
She went to her tattoo artist and explained what she wanted but didn’t initially go into too many details about why.
She said: “I’m sure my tattoo artist has seen some very wild and wonderful things in his time, not only because I have tattoos ALL over!
“The purpose of my discreet dot measure isn’t blindingly obvious until you spend a moment thinking about it.
“When he got to my hand and counted up the inches of the dots he put two and two together and the penny dropped as to why I wanted it.
“We had a laugh about it and he praised my ingenuity, it’s something people may not think about when shaking my hand and won’t look out of place in a nursing home when I’m 90 but will always put a smile on my face and twinkle in my eye.”
Since getting the tattoo, she’s found some other uses for it too.
She said: “I actually used my ruler to help my mother to size up the diameter for a new plant pot for her garden and she remarked at how handy it was to have a tattoo that could be used as a ruler.
“I smiled at her and said ‘what a coincidence!’ Her new pots look lovely.”
So far, reactions from friends to her new body art have been mixed – but it hasn’t stopped her thinking about adding to it in the future.
She said: “My friends think my new tattoo is a little outrageous, however I think a line of pretty dots is a perfectly acceptable form of bodyart with such wonderful intentions that require an open mind to enjoy.
“I doubt they’ll be lining up to get their own rulers inked anytime soon, but each to their own, whatever floats your boat.
“I am rather tempted to add some dots from my thumb to my index finger to measure girth at the same time but I’m not sure if it would be too obvious what I’m doing. I guess it all depends on where somebody is looking when I whip it out to count!”
In other news,
