An influencer reveals her strict dating rules frequently get her branded a gold digger online – but insists she just has high standards.
For Ella Freimann, dating a man who isn’t generous with his wallet is not an option and the 24-year-old isn’t bothered about those who label her “money-hungry.”
In fact, the dating coach says it should be a requirement for a man to pay the bills in a relationship and any “high-value” woman should accept nothing less.
The influencer, who has over 19,000 followers on TikTok (@ellafreimann), attributes the values she holds to ones she learned from her own family life.
“I was fortunate enough to grow up with both of my parents so I had a clear example of how gender roles build the foundation of a healthy and long-lasting relationship,” Ella told NeedToKnow.co.uk.
“I grew up with a providing father and a nurturing mother who had the luxury of raising her children and being a stay-home mother.
“By splitting the bill, I’m agreeing to form a connection with a man who doesn’t know his role in a relationship and expects me to be 50% of the man he’s not.
“I’ve learned that men who split the bill don’t value the time and effort a woman puts into herself to look her best for that man.
“Plus 50/50 [%] men don’t understand that the woman’s investment was made prior to the date.
“By not agreeing to split the bill the woman keeps her dignity intact and avoids bad experiences with men.”
Ella, who is from New York, US, and in a relationship herself, explains that while she doesn’t take being called a “gold digger” as a compliment, she does take the term to mean she’s perceived as a woman who refuses to settle for a man who doesn’t respect her.
She said: “The term “gold digger” refers to a woman that’s money-hungry.
“However, the term has been thrown around to every woman that decides to raise her standards in dating and expects her partner to be financially stable and to provide for her.
“Sadly, there’re a lot of men who are frustrated with their lives, they are not financially stable, and that makes them deeply insecure.
“Also, I feel like women should learn a few things from gold diggers, they always ask for what they want.
“Men have no issue asking for intimacy and submissiveness from a woman, so why should we be hesitant to get our needs met?”
For Ella, demanding certain requirements is not simply about money but about quantifying the effort a man is willing to put in.
When the dating coach’s clients come to her, begging for help in their dating lives, she often advises them not to accept a “coffee date” as an acceptable courting method from men.
She said: “Coffee dates are disrespectful to women and a waste of time.
“It says a lot about a man’s intentions with that woman.
“A man that proposes a coffee date doesn’t perceive you as worthy of his time and effort, and probably is diversifying his money so he can date as many women as he can with the minimum effort.”
Despite the backlash she receives online, Ella claims there are many misconceptions about women who demand more from their men.
She said: “Most people think that we’re selfish, but I don’t think that’s the truth.
“A high-value woman knows what she brings to the table and expects the same in return.
“Another assumption is [that] we don’t work or we’re lazy, but a woman with high standards in dating always makes sure that the man is able to provide for both, in case she doesn’t want to work.
“I’ve seen women building their businesses and focusing on themselves while being provided for by a man.
“And as being reduced to our looks, although a woman’s beauty is a valuable aspect, we understand the value a woman brings to a relationship, such as emotional stability, nurturing qualities, and support.
“Many studies have shown that men can’t live without a woman — we better a man’s life in all aspects, and since we know what we bring, we expect the man to bring his part.”
For Ella, the proof of her method is not only mirrored in her own life but in that of her clients, who have allegedly “turned around” their dating lives by following her advice.
She added: “I helped a girl who had a past of dating broke men who did nothing for her and she confessed to me that she was tired of splitting the bill, getting disrespected, and being cheated on.
“After I coached her, she was able to build her self-esteem and gain confidence in herself.
“Now she’s in a stable relationship where she is fully provided for and her boyfriend founded her successful business.
“I also recently coached a very intelligent woman who is a financial advisor.
“She works in a place full of rich men and millionaires but struggled to get the right attention and to be approached by men who took her seriously.
“Through various sessions of coaching, she was able to feel comfortable in her femininity and setting boundaries, which led her to have a pool of men ready to court her and pursue her for a serious relationship.”
After Ella posted a clip on TikTok saying your standards are low if you’ve never been called a gold digger, commenters were divided.
One person said: “I never been called that In my life. I also always made my own money and never saw man as a cash machine. I somehow had higher ambition.” [sic]
Another wrote: “Gold digging a flex? Damn. We know where you stand.”
And a third said: “Or maybe I have my own money.”
Others, however, were quick to agree with Ella.
One person wrote: “My ex called me a gold digger for not believing nor wanting to do 50/50 with him.”
While another said: “I’ve been call that plenty of times by broke men.” [sic]
And a third added: “You’re right it’s a badge of honor wear it proud ladies.”
