A dating expert has revealed how to attract your dream partner – including the one thing you must say on first dates.
Karla Elia is a certified relationship coach helping women find their match, having found love herself with husband, Dustyn Elia – who popped the question after just six months.
The 24-year-old is also a TikTok success with over one million fans tuning in to receive her advice.
In a YouTube video published on Shera, (@sherasocial ), a digital platform dedicated to empowering women, Karla shares her story, as well as advice how to find the partner you want.
From why you should always discuss your future ambitions – even if it’s the first date – to how to get your ideal love life [see tips below].
“Don’t talk about your past – talk about your dreams,” the coach, from San Diego, California, US, said.
“That is the one thing you should always speak about on first dates.
“Talk about what you want to do for yourself in your life.
“[On] the first couple of dates we [Dustyn and I] would talk about our dreams, what we want, the family that we would like, where we’re going to live, what businesses we would like to build.
“I knew what I wanted for myself…. […] that I wanted to go into a relationship, date for a little bit and then get married.
“I knew that the next man that I was going to date was going to be the one for me.
“For a lot of people, it sounds very dramatic, very rushed – but I knew exactly what I was looking for.”
Karla met Dustyn on Bumble and says this method worked a charm in the early stages of dating.
The couple “courted” for two months, then dated officially for three months before he proposed six months after their first date.
The pair married in May 2022.
Karla added: “When I met my husband, [he] was exactly where I was at.
“He was meeting my frequency [and] he was meeting my energy.”
When she first started her coaching business, Dustyn financially supported Karla while she built up a large following on TikTok.
Now, she has plenty of fans and is sharing her top tips online and with clients.
Talking exclusively with Shera, the dating expert also shares her top tips – including the ‘list of threes’, red and green flags and why to always start dating with a clear idea of what you want from your partner.
APPLY THE ‘LIST OF THREES’
Karla has come up with the ‘lists of threes’ approach, which she advises clients to make before embarking on a new relationship.
For example, one list is a group of three non-negotiables – things you are not willing to budge on.
The second list includes three personality traits your dream lover would have.
The third list is three physical aspects you want them to have.
Karla said: “These are all things that you need that are essentials for you to be able to find this man attractive.
“That is why I created this list of threes – it is very reasonable and not unattainable.
“When you step into reality, you realise that there are good men out there, but the reason why you can’t find them is because you don’t know what you want.
“So when you create this list of threes, it gives you a guide.
“The list of threes are your standards, and when you go out to dates, when you meet different men, you won’t be swayed to give someone your time if they’re not meeting your expectations.
“The reason why a lot of you are settling or a lot of you are not finding these men is because you’re choosing to go with feelings instead of your standards.
“But when you have your standards very clear – which is why creating the list of threes is essential – you’ll be able to detect good men or the cheat men or the provider men.
“It becomes so easy and so instinctual for you because you recognise your list that you will not waste your time anymore.”
KNOW WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR
Karla explains that by knowing what you want from a relationship, it will help you find the right person.
She added: “You need to understand and know what you’re looking for.
“You need to know your non-negotiables.
“You need to know your personality types and what you are attracted to.
“Another thing you need to know is who are you compatible with.”
THREE GREEN FLAGS
Karla also advises looking for the key three ‘green flags’ in a man.
She said: “He’s a man of his word. He doesn’t say he moves with action instead of words.
“[The second is] he is generous.
“[The third] is he’s on time.
“I know that a lot of people think that this is like a given, but when a man is on time and he respects other people’s time, that is super sexy because that means that he’s going to respect your time as well.”
THE THREE RED FLAGS
As for her three red flags?
She recommends avoiding men who are “sweet talkers”, men who speak about their past continuously, and men who try to look through your phone – indicating trust issues.
