A woman has revealed how being a ‘part-time parent’ has led to her coming a better mother – after the stress of raising her children full-time led her to ketamine addiction.
Victoria Vigors had been a full-time, hands-on mum since welcoming her son a decade earlier, but she ended up having to part ways with her two children after she became unfit to parent them.
The 40-year-old had become reliant on micro-dosing the class B drug to get through the day, an addiction that saw her blow £40,000.
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Her son, aged 10 at the time, and daughter, then just three years old, were taken from her care to live with their fathers – a harrowing reality check for the mum.
But, incredibly, Victoria describes it as the “best thing that ever happened” to her – leading to her recovery, and her looking after them strictly on a part-time basis, including weekends and school holidays.
While she once revolved her life around raising and homeschooling her children, she now says she is a much better parent.
“I’m able to be the best version of myself now, and be the mum I always wanted to be – but felt like I couldn’t be without drugs,” Victoria, a content creator from Kent, told Need To Know.
“Because I have so much more freedom, I spend time planning at least one memory-making activity every time I see the kids.
“Our first Christmas back together, we went on the Polar Express train.
“I’ve also taken them to see Lion King on the West End, and stayed at Alton Towers and Legoland twice each.
“We’ve been on holiday to Lanzarote, we go go-karting, do laser tag, and spend days at the beach.
“But the most important thing is that we have quality time together.
“Whatever they want me to play with them, I’m playing.
“I watch every cartwheel, every jump on the trampoline, and clap. I cheer for them at every school event.
“I do it all enthusiastically and with all the energy that a mum should bring.
“And that’s the great gift of all – for me and my children.
“In the end, my children being taken away turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Struggling to cope with the demands of parenting and homeschooling during the Covid 19 pandemic, Victoria went from drinking a glass of wine to micro-dosing the drug, taking small amounts called “bumps” frequently throughout the day to avoid becoming too intoxicated.
While she initially found it boosted her mood and made life seem more manageable, Victoria soon fell into a terrifying addiction, needing more and more “bumps” to function.
The addiction was triggered by the pressures of parenthood, she believes.
She says: “I felt so alone, isolated and unable to be a good mother.
“Both of the kids’ dads were key workers during lockdown and couldn’t have them on the weekends, so I was looking after them 24/7, living in a flat with no garden or balcony, and trying to juggle their very different needs due to their age difference.
“It all just got too much and I felt like I couldn’t cope.
“It seemed like all the other mums were coping well and had support, and I felt like a complete failure.”
She said trying ketamine felt like an “instant anti-depressant” without negative side effects of alcohol – but issues soon started to arise, with Victoria suffering chronic pain because of the drug.
It ultimately affected her ability to properly parent.
She said: “Some days I couldn’t even stand up, so I’d be parenting from bed – which was ridiculous and unfair on my children.
“I’d be snappy and have little patience and I couldn’t cook them proper meals – I’d just order takeaways like McDonald’s, KFC or a Chinese.
“I would have to ask their dad to pick them up because I would be in so much agony.”
While her children “never witnessed anything they shouldn’t”, by 2021 Victoria was spending £500 a week on the drug, funding her addiction with her savings, and was often hospitalised 12 times due to the pain – with hospital pain relief not touching the sides due to her high tolerance for drugs.
In October of that year, she finally confessed her addiction to doctors, and the courts intervened, removing her children from her care.
Victoria was blocked from having contact with her son and daughter for four months, when the courts allowed her to call them three times a week, as she battled for sobriety.
She said: “It was absolutely devastating.
“It was like my world had come crashing down, and I had no idea how I would get through it.”
As she fought for sobriety, Victoria had a revelation.
She explained: “Going to therapy helped me realise that I had lost my identity after becoming a mum.
“I knew I’d eventually be able to get them back, but I didn’t want to slip back into my old ways and make the same mistakes.
“Having them full-time was too much for me, and wouldn’t work if I wanted to stay in recovery.
“I had to put them – and myself – first.
“They had also had to move to a new school and home, and I didn’t want to disrupt them further.”
Eventually, it was agreed that Victoria would have the children on weekends and during school holidays – as well as having open access to them at any other time.
Now, she and her children are making up for lost time, making memories and enjoying their time together.
And it has led to Victoria feeling grateful for her ordeal.
Victoria added: “I needed to get to rock bottom in order to claw my way back up.”
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