A mum has shared how she fell head over heels for an old colleague despite being happily married – and they now all share a home, alongside her two children.
Sarah Nicole, 39, a personal trainer from Indiana, US, had been monogamous with her husband Ryan, 38, for six years before opening up her marriage in March 2020 and reconnecting with Ronnie, 40 last year.
Sarah had always wanted to live a polyamorous lifestyle with multiple partners, and she and Ryan enjoyed flirting with other people, but they didn’t decide to have an open marriage until Ryan suggested this two years ago.
Despite working with Ronnie four years ago, Sarah never thought to make a move on her colleague because to her, neither of them were available at the time.
Flashforward to 2021, Sarah had been dating someone else for four months whilst married to Ryan however, after posting about her emotions post-breakup on Facebook, Ronnie reached out to her for the first time in two years.
After finding out Ronnie was polyamorous, Sarah immediately asked him out.
After exchanging text messages, the pair met up for dinner and Ryan soon realised Sarah and Ronnie were going to be more than friends.
Whilst Ryan isn’t dating other people at the moment, he is very supportive of Sarah and Ronnie’s relationship.
Incredibly, the family were able to make it work and Ronnie ended up moving into the house Sarah and Ryan share with their two children, aged seven and 10.
“We are what is considered a ‘V hinge’, meaning that both of them are with me but they are not together,” Sarah, who runs a podcast, MiddleSpoon, about polyamory, told NeedToKnow.online.
“We practice what they call kitchen table polyamory, which is when all partners can hang out and get along like around a kitchen table, which is where the term comes from.
That’s as opposed to parallel polyamory, where your partner’s never meet.
“I had no idea that Ronnie was also polyamorous until I came out to him and as soon as I found out I immediately asked him on a date.
“We fell in love with each other so hard and so fast.
“That was over a year ago and I dated him for about a month before the guys met again as what is known as ‘metamores’ (partner’s partner).
They had met previously when I worked with Ronnie.
“From there, I started having Ronnie over to the house regularly and he ended up moving in with us over Christmas last year.
“Ryan and I had talked about having another adult in the house and the benefits of that when we initially opened up our relationship.
“Having someone to help with chores and children were things that Ryan saw as beneficial.
“I feel like living together was necessary for me, due to things like mum-guilt and not wanting to forget my responsibilities at home just because I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend.”
“When Ryan and I first decided to pursue a polyamorous relationship, I explained what polyamory was to my children, then five and eight, just the same way that you can explain other family dynamics to children who don’t live in them.
“Some kids have two moms, some kids have two dads, some kids have a plethora of step parents, and some kids have parents who love more people than just each other.
“Ryan calls Ronnie’s kids his quarter children and coined the term “super kid weekend” for the weekends that we have all five children.”
“We try to do more fun things outside of the house on those weekends.”
Although I’m sure both my kids knew that Ryan and I dated outside of our relationship, we didn’t introduce my children to any partners previous to Ronnie, just as a single monogamous person wouldn’t until it was serious.
My children met Ronnie and his children, with the understanding that we were dating.
His children understood that we were dating as well but definitely had some questions about who Ryan was. Although Sarah was madly in love with her husband, she says that she always felt different from everybody else because she could fall in love with someone regardless of being in love with another person.
By opening up her marriage with Ryan the pair now feel that they are stronger than ever and that by doing this, they can become not only better partners, but better people and parents too.
Sarah added: “I didn’t know what polyamory was until finding out about it online during the pandemic in 2020.
“I looked at it and realised that it’s not just a lifestyle choice but also can be a personal identity.
“Much like realising anything that attributes to your personality, I realised the ability to love more than one person was something I’ve always had.
“In my younger years, I could never understand how anyone could shut themselves off to falling in love with someone just because they were already in a relationship
I felt broken and like I would never be able to have a serious relationship. I buried that part of me and hope that would go away.
“I married Ryan and even though I was madly in love with him, I couldn’t help myself but to passively flirt with other people.
“I never hid it from him, and he never shamed me for it.
I would come home from the gym and tell him about guys who hit on me, and we laughed about it together.
“I think we both enjoyed the fact that other people found me attractive, and it was like a compliment to us both.
“We had also flirted with the idea of swinging but had just never had the opportunity. “My ability to love outside of my relationship as I had so often in the past wasn’t uncommon at all and I told Ryan all about it because not only is he my husband but he’s my best friend.
“I never expected Ryan to want a polyamorous relationship and I never asked for one either – you can be a polyamorous person and still have monogamous relationships.
“I’ve found that showing a new partner love can remind you how to show your other partners love.
“You can get so comfortable in an older relationship that you forget to actively show your partner love.
“Since I’ve been with Ronnie, I’ve actually increased the amount of quality time and physical touch I share with Ryan.
“I think it’s important to understand that every polyamorous relationship and dynamic is different. Not many relationships look like mine.
“I believe that as long as everyone in a relationship consents to that relationship it is valid. “I don’t believe that the human race has to commit to either monogamous or polyamorous – to each their own.”
