A mum has hit out at the education system for penalising parents who take their children out of school during term time – saying she gives her sons days off unprompted, and even clashes with her “stricter” husband over it.
Michele Akester-Marsh has two boys, aged 14 and 10, and makes a point of allowing them time off for anything from day trips, holidays and their birthdays to house hunting as a family.
But she causes “friction” with husband Garry when it comes to sick days – with Michele dolling them out unprompted, using a mother’s intuition to know when her son’s need a break, while Garry thinks they could be “taking the mickey”.
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“There have been times when our sons are ill & I can tell they need a down day, even if it’s just a cold because they’re run down – but there’s a belief in my husband that they should just ‘man up’ and get on with it, or that they’re just trying to get a day off,” Michele, 46, from Angus, north-east Scotland, told Need To Know.
“The thing is that they don’t ask for a day off, they do just get ready as usual and it’s me who sees in their eyes that they’re ill and need some time.
“If I suggest they have a day off without running it past my husband first, it causes friction between us.
“He says they can’t live life thinking they can always have the easy route, sometimes we have to get on with it which I know, but we also have to learn to look after ourselves and our needs first and foremost.
“I’d been making the judgement call for years by myself and I’ve rarely got it wrong and have learned that our boys rarely take the mickey.
“When they’re off school ill, they know it’s no TV or tech and it’s straight back to bed.
“They do this without fuss and end up sleeping all morning or even day – a mum knows!”
The couple have compromised to ensure Michele isn’t the “default parent” that the school calls if one of the boys is sick, disrupting her work day.
With both parents working from home, if Garry insists on the boys going to school, Michele counters this with an agreement that he must be the one to drop work to go and collect them, should the school ring.
Michele said: “My husband has definitely softened now about the situation – now he’s aware of the inconvenience of picking up sick kids!”
It’s not just sickness that leads to time off for their sons, one of whom is in year five, while the other is in year eight.
Michele, who works as a self-leadership mentor for working mums under the moniker Unshakeable Mama™, feels strongly that it is important to prioritise family time, and will happily give them days off.
She said: “I strongly believe it’s wrong for the government and councils to dictate how families spend time together.
“This year, I took my youngest out of school for a week to see his grandparents in Mallorca.
“My husband and eldest went in the Easter holidays, but I needed to look after the cat, which meant I had to take my youngest out of school so that we also got a holiday.
“We’ve also taken them to Lapland for the experience of a lifetime, which was mostly over the half-term but due to the flight days, we needed to take them out a bit longer.
“It’s been the same situation for numerous other trips to Mallorca and Ibiza, due to flight days and costs.”
Michele has also allowed them time off to pick up their grandparents from the airport, for their own birthdays, for day trips to Chessington and Legoland to avoid the queues, for snow days if their school hadn’t closed, for long weekends away, and for medical appointments like the dentist.
She added: “I know education is a privilege, but I feel strongly that the government can’t dictate what’s important for families or when we spend (or can afford to spend) quality family time together.
“Children learn so much outside the classroom, especially when their parents aren’t rushing around stressed!”
Despite her stance, she claims their attendance is still “good”, and she is yet to receive a fine from the school – though she has received her share of official “not approved absence” letters.
She added: “I really don’t agree with the fine system – it criminalises parents for wanting to spend quality time with their kids.
“Valuable quality family time is so important for children – and their learning doesn’t stop because they’ve been taken outside the classroom.”
Michele previously raised eyebrows after revealing the rather unconventional way she opts to spend her own birthday – away from her family.
Taking the opportunity for some “me-time”, she instead jetted off on a solo holiday to Mauritius, and also insists on self-care time on a regular basis at home, including yoga and massages, and hiring a cleaner for housework duties.
It’s all part of her mantra “me first, mum second” – though she insists it helps her be a more present parent to her boys.
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