A woman has revealed the challenges and benefits of her age gap relationship – including financial priorities and career milestones.
When Kelsey Herbers finally met her colleague in person after seven months of working remotely together, she didn’t expect to fall in love.
The freelance marketing writer, who had just come out of a long-term relationship, didn’t know how to feel – especially since he was 17 years her senior.
But then, after exchanging messages and going on several dates, the pair, now aged 29 and 46, found themselves completely head-over-heels with one another.
While in love, the couple have faced complications and doubts surrounding their age gap – with Kelsey only starting out her career and Collin planning for retirement.
“I’m still nailing down exactly what I’m after in life, but he’s hyper-focused on saving for retirement, which is the last thing on my mind,” Kelsey told What’s The Jam.
“Right now, we’re both equally young at heart, but we recognise that might not always be the case.
“I think his biggest fear is how he’s going to keep up with me as we age and my biggest fear is losing him and spending many years alone.
“[I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on being young], so it’s not an issue yet, but I could see it becoming a challenge down the road.
“My bucket list involves travel and seeing the world, but since Collin has passed that ‘wild and free’ chapter of life, and is more focused on helping his ageing mum, it can be hard.
“But communication is key and we plan for how to allocate both our money so we can support each other’s dreams.”
Kelsey, from Charleston, South Carolina, US, had previously only dated people her own age, with her last relationship lasting 10 years.
She longed for someone with maturity and emotional intelligence, coupled with a deep romance and support.
Then, after splitting with her aforementioned ex-partner, Collin heard the news and texted her immediately.
She said: “He texted me fairly quickly and sent a picture of his dog saying he hoped it would cheer me up.
“After that, we never stopped talking and he told me he was interested in being more than friends.
“I actually had looked him up on Facebook shortly after meeting and assumed he had a wife and kids since he was older.
“I told him I was open to exploring a relationship and he quickly booked a cross-country flight to come and visit me after a few days.”
Kelsey and Collin took their relationship to the next level quickly, with her visiting his family at Thanksgiving and him moving across the country to be with her.
When telling their work colleagues, they were met with support and also from their respective families.
The freelance marketing writer said: “My parents were a little protective at first, but mostly because I jumped back into a relationship so quickly.
“I’ve had a bit of negativity online from people who don’t know us, saying ‘You found your sugar daddy’ or ‘Being a hospice wife is not a good look.’
“But I don’t care, as they don’t know us – but if they did, those comments would be pretty devastating.” Now, the pair are planning on moving to a small town for a year in a bid to explore and travel while they’re both still able to.
In November 2023, they got engaged and are planning to elope in the coming months.
Kelsey hopes sharing her whirlwind romance will inspire others to explore love – no matter any differences – and to prove that “love is love” regardless.
She added: “It’s important to think through a relationship before committing and that meant having hard conversations at the beginning for us.
“It’s come with its challenges, such as with our careers, lifestyles, finances, and priorities, but there are so many benefits too – such as wisdom and being young-at-heart.
“Age gap relationships are often stigmatised, but it’s vital not to pay attention to what others think, as it’s not their decision.
“Have the hard conversations and don’t shy away from talking about the future because it’s scary or uncomfortable.
“Make sure to understand the sacrifices involved, too.
“But we’ve built an incredibly strong and happy foundation for lifelong love and I know we’ll both always have a playful side – regardless of our ages.”
