A former sex surrogate who worked on Channel 4’s reality show Virgin Island has lifted the lid on what really went on behind closed doors.
When Joy Rigel got the call to help 12 adult virgins overcome their anxiety around intimacy and sex, she had no idea what was in store.
The 49-year-old was tasked with supporting the group in reconnecting with their bodies and emotions, helping them explore sensations at their own pace.
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The sexologist was paired up with Jason and Ben on the show, though she shared a particularly intimate moment with one of them.
But the full tender conversation didn’t make the final cut.
“When I met Jason, he was so scared of intimacy that he couldn’t even hug his mum,” she told Need To Know.
“In my final session with him, we had opened into this beautiful connection.
“Both fully immersed in this energy, at this emotional peak, I said to him: ‘The reason this feels so good is because your heart is open – and so is mine.’
“As I spoke these words and touched his heart, he climaxed for the first time.
“It was the most potent moment in my work on the show.
“I was so moved by the beauty of this experience.
“The scene was shown, but my words were cut.
“And it’s a shame, as I believe the mention of our hearts brought his attention there.”
Joy, who also bared all to the group, says a common theme she found amongst the group – and people in general – is that overstimulation is “quietly numbing us”.
Spending hours doom-scrolling, or looking at our screens, could be the reason why one in eight people in the UK aged 26 haven’t yet had sex, according to a study by UCL.
She said: “We can’t feel as fast as the gratification our phones give us on a daily basis.
“It’s a constant slew of absorbing images, content and performance, where we’re unable to digest experience – and we don’t know how to feel through it.
“Satisfaction doesn’t come from quantity, it comes from depth.
“Even the tools we turn to for pleasure – porn or vibrators – often bypass the deeper layers of the body.
“Society moves at such a disruptive pace – and with such a sharp tone – that many of us shut down our hearts just to cope.
“We have to consciously bring the heart back online if we want to keep this energy centre lit.
“Being present with each other’s hearts, especially when we’re exchanging energy, whether in intimacy or daily connection, is so important.
“This isn’t something we need to save for the bedroom – we can practice it everywhere.
“And the more we do, the more human we stay.”
Joy, from Philadelphia, US, says those on the show constantly expected fast results when it came to achieving intimacy, which is near enough impossible.
She urged those on the show to stop feeling pressured into having sex – and to perform well – as that’s often the reason people stay virgins for so long.
Joy, who runs her own nonprofit, Qi Haus, which focuses on supporting highly sensitive people such as those on the programme, added: “Many of the participants came in believing intimacy was something to achieve, not something to feel.
“There was unspoken pressure to perform or hit milestones, like losing their virginity or feeling desire on cue.
“The people I worked with had rarely been given the chance to slow down, especially in connection with someone else.
“Many weren’t avoiding sex – they were sensing something wasn’t aligned, but couldn’t quite name it.
“My role wasn’t to push them toward an outcome, but to create a space for them to begin.”
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