A mum has revealed how she gets her kids to make their own beds in the morning – and nagging is firmly off the table.
Kirsty Ketley, 42, adopts the ‘respectful parenting’ method whilst teaching her children, Ella, 10, and Leo, 6, responsibility.
This includes everything from making their own bed, helping them make good food choices, tidying up, and even household chores like hoovering and dusting.
But for Kirsty, a parenting specialist from Surrey, that doesn’t mean constant nagging or pressuring her kids – in fact, she recommends quite the opposite.
“From toddler age, I have given the kids controlled choices,” she told NeedToKnow.online.
“This is where they have been offered choices that we are okay with, such as clothes to wear, food to eat, etc… and this has helped them feel like they are in control – something that toddlers crave.
“But it’s also the beginning of teaching them responsibility.”
Kirsty, who describes her parenting style as “respectful and relaxed”, has shared some top tips on how to get children to look after their own belongings and take responsibility without nagging.
In a video, she shares how she got Ella and Leo to start making their own beds without her needing to ask, as an example of her parenting style.
She says: “To achieve the kids making their own beds, it’s taken a bit of time, but all we simply said to them was ‘if they don’t make their own beds, the beds won’t get made’.
“So it is entirely up to them whether they want their bed making or not.
“There’s no pressure to make their own bed, however, it will not be made if they don’t make it.
“It seems to work. My daughter is 10 and makes her bed every single morning and has done for quite a while now.
“My son is 6 and I would say most mornings he’s making his own bed.”
For Kirsty, this approach has worked wonders and is one she applies widely to her parenting.
She said: “As they have got older, we have gradually increased their responsibilities, starting with their own things.
“This means that their bedrooms are their responsibility. If they want things tidy or clean, they have to keep them that way.
“Leo at 6, is at the stage of needing guidance and encouragement still – we tidy with him, rather than for him, but he often will now get the job done himself.
“Ella at 10, just keeps on top of her room and will dust and hoover it herself, too.
“Leaving them to decide when they tidy, etc… has prevented negotiating or nagging from us and they get a real sense of self-satisfaction and pride from doing it.
“Of course, they sometimes ask for help and that is fine.
“They also have to put their own clothes away and take responsibility for packing school bags and putting clothes in the wash basket.”
Kirsty has shared a few top tips for adopting her style of parenting.
START SMALL:
The parenting specialist said: “Start by giving kids responsibility for their own things and selves first. So their rooms, toys and clothes.
“To help them, make sure that things have a place, so it is easier for them to tidy, put things away and begin by tidying with them so they learn how to do the task and gradually reduce your input so that they do the task themselves.
“Give your child their own wash baskets for instance so that they have more of a chance to put clothes in the wash and not leave them on the floor, give them a bin so that rubbish is put in there and not left on the floor.
“Also, start them young. Right from being a toddler, children can learn to tidy and that things have a place.”
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH:
The mum said: “Good role modelling and helping them to tidy is important.”
That said, Kirsty doesn’t recommend doing all of the work yourself.
She added: “Don’t stop them from doing things because it’s quicker/easier for you to do – they will never learn if you keep doing things for them, so show them, guide them and then let them figure it out their way, while knowing they can ask for help should they need it.”
NO CHECKLISTS:
The mum said: “Avoid checklists for chores – this can make kids feel under pressure to get things done and some kids don’t respond well and it can make them feel like a failure.
“Instead, let them know that you expect them to ‘muck in’ and if you ask them to help with something, then you expect them to help.
“This works well when it’s a chore that you know they don’t mind so much doing.”
COMPROMISE:
Kirsty said: “Compromise where you can – some things should be non-negotiable, however, things like keeping their room tidy or getting their homework done should be down to the child ultimately.
“You can guide and help them to understand the consequences of not doing so, but the end decision should be theirs and they will soon learn from the consequences – for example, they might have to stay in at break time or get a detention for not doing their homework, they won’t be able to find things if their room is a mess.”
NO NAGGING:
Finally, Kirsty said: “Don’t nag. This can be really hard not to do, but like making their beds, they soon learn that it won’t get done if they don’t do it, however, it’s their bed, not yours, so if it’s not made, does it really matter?”
