Three women in a polyamorous lesbian triad have revealed how they plan to marry each other and raise their children together – despite suffering online abuse about their relationship.
Back in 2015, Destiney ‘Dez’ Cruz, 30 met Kelsha ‘Kelz’ Sellars, 26, on a dating app and they soon fell in love.
Early on, they discovered they were both open to the idea of having other partners while continuing their relationship.
“Through dating and learning from each other, we discovered that we both identified as ethically non-monogamous and took steps to research and identify resources to help explore polyamory in a healthy way,” Kelz told Jam Press.
While they got married in 2018, they continued to explore ethical non-monogamy and date other partners both separately and with each other, but none of these relationships flourished long term.
In 2020, Kelz met another woman called Sherice ‘Reese’ Allen, 33, on a dating app and they found they had an “easygoing and natural connection”.
When Reese and Dez were introduced to each other shortly after, they began a separate relationship, and then became a committed throuple.
Now they share their life on TikTok and Instagram, giving followers an insight into their closed dynamic.
For now, the three of them are in committed relationships with each of the other partners, as well as in the triad together.
In a video that has been viewed over 800,000 times, they answer some of the questions they’re asked frequently, including whether they get jealous, to which they reply, “sometimes… it’s healthy and normal”.
The throuple stresses that communication is key when it comes to navigating emotions in their relationship, both positive and negative.
Dez said: “When it comes to feelings of jealousy we try to resolve those issues by having a conversation about where exactly that feeling stems from.
“For example, are we feeling that we need more time with one of our partners? Are we feeling that we need additional romance with our partners? Was something misinterpreted that may have hurt our feelings? We communicate so that we can note how to do things differently in the future.”
Although they don’t currently live together, they hope to move in together soon.
Dez said: “There is just enough space for the three of us but when we move in together we hope to find a house that will fit the five of us (and our pets) comfortably.”
No matter where they are, all three of them always share a bed.
Dez said: “We switch between a king-size and a queen size depending on who’s house we’re at and make it work.
“We’ve gotten so used to sleeping together that we can fit comfortably in either bed.”
The three of them now co-parent two kids, aged 15 and 18 months, together, and hope to have a commitment ceremony as a wedding one day.
Kelz said: “Our 15 year old loves the three of us parenting together, because we’re all different in the way that we parent and so she is able to get different types of support… not only from us but from the rest of our support systems as well.
“She’s aware of what polyamory is and is able to communicate her family dynamics to those who she wishes to share it with.”
“As for their youngest, this is the first family he’s ever known, and so they say they are glad he’s being raised with “diversity and an open mind.”
Although the rest of their families have all been very accepting and supportive of their arrangement, they have had their own share of detractors.
Not only does their online presence expose them to trolling and homophobia, they have also had uncomfortable experiences in real life.
Kelz said: “There comes this stigma that because we are in a polyamorous relationship, especially where one partner (Dez) is masculine of center, that we must be willing to add in additional partners who are male or that we must not truly be lesbians.”
The hate they sometimes receive isn’t just directed at their sexuality, but also the idea of non-monogamy in general.
Reese said: “We have those who not only disagree with our sexuality but polyamory as a whole, using religion to defend their negative judgments.”
But they don’t let the negative comments get in the way of sharing their love with the world and add that they usually get more positive comments than hateful ones.
Kelz said: “People fear the unknown and so we hope that through exposure and education, polyamory and diversity in sexualities will continue to become more widely accepted and respected.”
While they believe people should choose what works for them, they feel there are many benefits to living as a throuple.
Reese said: “No one dynamic is better than the other. For us, polyamory wins out because we all identify as such.
“There is so much more love to go around, a village when it comes to helping with raising children, our finances are split between all partners three ways, and there are more avenues to making sure all needs are being met.”
And the comments on their videos show that some others do agree.
On one of their first videos answering questions about their dynamic, a TikTok user commented: “It’s hard seeing people living the life you want.”
Another one complained: “Lol I can’t even find one girl ????” [sic]
Someone also shared their experience and said: “I can’t believe I’ve found another lesbian throuple!!! I’m in one too and it’s the best.”
A fourth said: “Love it!! So happy to see others complete their triad. Still manifesting ours! Congrats!!”
A fifth added: “Poly is definitely a better way of life in my opinion but it’s definitely not for everyone… congrats on finding y’all perfect dynamic!”
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