A woman who has been single for 15 years has admitted she is “terrified” of going on dates.
Becky often shares honest videos online about life on her own, as well as living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), and how it has affected her love life.
The 32-year-old project manager was diagnosed with MS two and a half years ago and says she feels nervous about opening up to potential partners.
She originally launched her page to raise awareness about the condition, but it has since evolved into candid chats about loneliness, dating and being single for more than a decade.
In a recent video, Becky revealed a list of things she feels embarrassed to admit after 15 years without a partner.
She captioned the post: “I’ve felt embarrassed about these things for a long time. If you have ever felt the same way, you aren’t alone.”
In the clip, she said: “I’ve never had a guy tell me they love me. I’m not sure I’d know if I was in love or not…
“I’ve been single for so long, I’m worried I’ll be single forever. I hear so many horror stories from dating.
“I love going to bed on my own but hate waking up on my own… Every. Single. Day.
“I’m terrified to go on dates, I don’t know what to talk about, and I end up overanalysing everything.
“There is a voice that tells me there is something wrong with me, and that’s why I’m still single.”
“I’ve been single for a really long time,” Becky, from Bristol, old Need To Know.
“I’ve been in a few situationships as an adult, but nothing official.
“I was really struggling with my mental health around how I felt embarrassed for still being single, how nervous I was in telling someone on a date that I have an MS diagnosis, and it felt like there must be something wrong with me.
“I kept thinking ‘I will be single for the rest of my life’ and started blaming different things about me for that reason.
“I originally began my page to raise awareness about MS, but over time it has naturally evolved into talking about single life, loneliness, and what it’s like navigating all of this with a disability.”
When it comes to dating, Becky admits it takes a lot for her to open up, and says horror stories she has heard online have only added to her fears.
She said: “I’m quite worried people will judge me, and I have a fear of rejection, so I try to avoid that happening wherever I can.
“I’ve tried really hard this year to be more open and honest with myself, which has helped.
“I think a casual coffee date would be my preference, and I’d rather it be after someone has already met me in person, so it’s more organic, rather than forced.
“Dating feels like going for a job interview you didn’t apply for.”
Becky also shared her concerns about safety and discrimination.
She said: “I’ve heard quite a bit about people being ghosted on dates, people being judged based on their disability rather than their personality, and there are also the more serious and frightening stories about women not making it home safely.
“Keeping yourself safe while dating has never been more important.
“It’s quite scary to imagine those scenarios, and it puts me off wanting to date, but if you don’t put yourself out there, there aren’t many other options for meeting new people.”
Despite her fears, Becky says she now looks to the healthy relationships around her as inspiration for the future, especially her brother and his girlfriend.
She added: “They’re each other’s best friend.
“We spend Christmas as a big family, her side and ours, and go on family holidays together, and I want that.
“I think I used to romanticise relationships more when I was younger, but seeing real life more and more online is really encouraging and changes your mindset.”
The video struck a chord, racking up more than 1.2 million views, over 20,000 likes and hundreds of comments.
One viewer wrote: “I know EXACTLY how you feel, but hear we ALL have our other half waiting to be found… I pray for you to find your true other half.”
Another said: “I’ve been single for about the same time and think ‘is this how it’s going to be for the next 40 years’ at least 5 times a day.”
A third added: “There is a saying ‘there is someone for everyone’, you’ll find your person. No need to rush. Just be you.”
Someone else commented: “Same here. I don’t think I would know how to live with someone else. My anxiety could not handle a date.”
Another wrote: “I think we all have those voices Becky. I’ve had imposter syndrome most of my life, always whispering I’m not as good as those around me. But they do quieten down in time.”
Becky said the response has been overwhelming.
She said: “The reaction has been overwhelmingly positive.
“I get so many messages from people who relate a lot to the feelings of being alone, embarrassed, or like they’ve somehow ‘failed at life’ because their timeline looks different to what they pictured as a kid.
“Society pushes the idea that being an adult should come with marriage, houses and kids, and when your life doesn’t follow that path, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind.
“A lot of people tell me my videos make them feel less alone, and hopefully it helps one person that day.”
Her advice to others feeling the same is simple.
Becky added: “There is nothing wrong with you, and you’re not behind.
“Being single for a long time doesn’t make you less worthy or less capable of love.
“Don’t force a relationship just to meet a mythical timeline.
“Creating a life that feels good for you is more important, and be kind to yourself on the harder days.
“You can want a relationship and still be proud of how independent you are.”
READ MORE: ‘I’m a professional girlfriend and had a client spend £840 on a date to BREAK UP with me’
