A mum recovering from a ketamine addiction said she used to ruin Christmas at the height of her struggles – even breaking the tree one year.
Victoria Vigors had become reliant on micro-dosing the class B drug to get through the stressful long days as a full-time parent to two children – an addiction that saw her blow £40,000.
The 40-year-old particularly struggled throughout the festive period, gorging on booze and taking drugs to distract from her spiralling personal life.
On a particularly bad year, Victoria’s children were spending Christmas Eve with their father, who she had split from, and Victoria got drunk at her sister’s social club.
When she was refused anymore booze and kicked out, she went back to her sister’s house alone and knocked over the Christmas tree, breaking it, in a “drunken rage”.
“It was really awful,” the content creator from Kent, told Need To Know.
“I didn’t even remember doing it when I woke up.
“I’d always get far too drunk, too loud and obnoxious over the holidays.
“There’s always lots of drinking and partying, and I just never knew when to stop.
“I’d always take it too far.”
Victoria, who has a son and a daughter, would “tone it down” on the years she had her children over Christmas, but says she often felt like an outsider if she was celebrating without them.
She said: “I’d look at other people and how normal their lives seemed, and I’d feel bitter, resentful and jealous.
“I’d drink more and do more drugs just to try and black out those feelings.
“If it was a year when the kids were with their dad, it would really hit me hard.
“I’d feel utterly depressed, and take drugs throughout the whole festive period, and not sleep for days on end.
“I couldn’t even really eat Christmas dinner because I’d have no appetite.”
Struggling to cope with the demands of parenting and homeschooling during the Covid 19 pandemic, Victoria went from drinking a glass of wine to micro-dosing the drug, taking small amounts called “bumps” frequently throughout the day to avoid becoming too intoxicated.
While she initially found it boosted her mood and made life seem more manageable, Victoria soon fell into a terrifying addiction, needing more and more “bumps” to function.
The addiction was triggered by the pressures of parenthood, she believes.
She said trying ketamine felt like an “instant anti-depressant” without negative side effects of alcohol – but issues soon started to arise, with Victoria suffering chronic pain because of the drug.
It ultimately affected her ability to properly parent, and by 2021 she was spending £500 a week on the drug, funding her addiction with her savings.
She finally confessed her addiction to doctors in that October, and her children were removed from her custody for a period.
After fighting for sobriety and having therapy, Victoria has emerged all the better for getting clean – and says Christmas these days is an entirely different experience.
She said: “It’s amazing these days.
“I have the kids on Christmas Day either in the morning or afternoon, and we have the best time.
“Last year we did the Polar Express and loads of festive activities.
“I get invited to so many different things because people know I’m responsible now – I can be the life and soul of the party without having to ruin the party!
“I’m really close to my sisters and niece and nephew now, and am always surrounded by family.
“I get too many invitations for Christmas dinner and now I eat everything!
“I think I needed to get to rock bottom in order to claw my way back up.
“Knowing I’m facing Christmas this year without any struggles fills me with so much excitement and joy.
“I’ve got so many big plans – Christmas light shows with the kids, going to see Father Christmas, and I’m taking them away for five days to Tenerife for New Year’s Eve.
“I’m able to do all the amazing things I always wanted to do and be present for them.
“I put so much time and effort into things now and it’s just such a joy to be able to do that.
“To see the smiles on my kids’ faces and know I did that for them? It’s the best feeling in the world.”
