A couple who opened up their relationship now help others find their “perfect sister wife” after “screwing it up” the first time themselves – after the husband fell in love with the other woman.
Robyn and Christopher Alesich have been together for over two decades.
The pair started out in a completely monogamous relationship until they became romantically involved with a friend.
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Although things didn’t go to plan the first time – after Christopher developed feelings for the pal – this marked the start of their poly journey.
Now, they’re sharing the mistakes they made to help others avoid them.
“I always compare poly relationships to a video game,” Christopher told Need To Know.
“A monogamous relationship is like playing that video game on easy, or at best normal, but a poly relationship is like turning it up to hard or extreme.
“Honestly, we kind of screwed it up at first because we didn’t know what it was, or have any structure or guidance.
“The girl fell in love with us a little bit.
“I fell in love with her.
“There was some jealousy going on.
“Unfortunately, we ruined it.
“Even when it’s uncomfortable and seems impossible, not giving up when things get hard is extremely important in polyamorous relationships.
“You’ve got to be willing to work things out.
“In the end, love wins; if conflicts happen (and they will), be willing to have grace and understanding.”
Nearly 20 years on, the couple have founded Sister Wives – which they claim is the only dating and matchmaking platform of its kind in the US.
The pair are such experts in the lifestyle, they even worked with TLC’s casting team when they were launching the first season of the show ‘Seeking Sister Wife’.
How to deal with jealousy is one of the biggest lessons they impart on other people.
Robyn said: “The mistake so many people make is pretending, or assuming, it won’t happen to them.
“This can lead to resentment and insecurity.
“Learning how to address jealousy with honesty and care is the best thing we did in our relationship.”
The pair say communication is even more important in poly relationships.
Christopher said: “However much communication you think being polyamorous involves… triple it.
“Being in a relationship with more than one other person requires far, far more discussion than so many people realize.
“Small misunderstandings can grow quickly if feelings, expectations or concerns are not addressed early and openly.
“For example, one person feeling overlooked, even unintentionally, can create tension across the relationship.”
They also say the changes go far beyond romance.
Christopher added: “When entering our first poly-relationship, we thought only our love life would need slight adjusting, but it required way more than that.
“There’s such a big change for everyone involved.
“Time, routines, responsibilities and emotional needs all shift and everyone has to learn how to adapt.
“It includes everything from calendar logistics to financial commitments.”
Robyn adds that feeling secure doesn’t mean being prepared.
She said: “Most people assume they’re emotionally strong and secure until they’re catapulted into real-life situations, which really challenge them.
“Polyamory is no exception.
“Comparison, insecurity and the fear of not being enough surface in ways you don’t expect.
“We felt extremely secure in our relationship before [first] trying polyamory in 2007, but we weren’t necessarily prepared for everything that comes with it, from comparison to logistics.
“It takes time, experience and discussion to work through.
“But once you get the hang of it, it’s beautiful and exciting.”
Christopher added: “It’s interesting because jealousy can happen in any relationship, even polyamorous ones, whether people expect that or not.
“The difference in our relationship is how it’s dealt with; that’s the key to keeping a successful, healthy marriage.
“We discuss it straight away.”
Robyn added: “Jealousy in a polyamorous relationship feels exactly like it would in a monogamous one.
“Communication and keeping things equal can initially feel like a lot, but confronting jealousy upfront honestly makes it more manageable.”
